3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
