you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
