I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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