just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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