it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
