it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
