what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
