im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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