Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
