My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize