You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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