Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Acid is not a monday night drug
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
