Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
