I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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