Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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