somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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