this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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