The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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