The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
