M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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