the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
