dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
