I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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