if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
