worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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