I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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