Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
