I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
