Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
