"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
