I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
