Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
