I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
