I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
