I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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