It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
