I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
