just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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