She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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