She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize