I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
