i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
