in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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