Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize