You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
