pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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