S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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