She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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