Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
