Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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