Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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