I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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