i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize