i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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