I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
