It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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