my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
