im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
