The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
