My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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