Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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