Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
