i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
